


The Shrink and The Pyro

by Rokusanu



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Drama, Gangs, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, pyromaniacs, shrinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-15
Updated: 2012-12-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 04:45:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/593589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rokusanu/pseuds/Rokusanu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Ever since Roxas met his new patient Axel, he wished he never became a shrink. Seriously: was he supposed to survive the next six months with the pyromaniac on his couch? Well, damn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Burn, baby, burn!

**Author's Note:**

> Additional warnings: drugs, violence, gangs, blood, strong language. Ratings will go up to NC-17.  
> The main pairing is Axel/Roxas, with some side Demyx/Zexion. Sora and Riku only appear a few times, but enough to make them another side-pairing.
> 
> Well, this is really one of those stories that I really had fun writing, I think it's still one of my favourites :D And don't let the summary mislead you. The first few chapters are really joyful, but there will be darker themes.

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**T** _h_ _e_ **S** _hr_ _i_ _nk_  and **T** _h_ _e_   **P** _yr_ _o_  


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" _No I won't get back into the couch! Don't force me, or I'll burn the damn thing! Oh… never mind, the curtains are doing the job pretty well."_  


– Axel Firaga

* * *

**Prologue: Burn, baby, burn!**

This was the worst day in my whole career.

No, wait. Scratch that; it was the worst day in my whole twenty-three years.

What did I get myself into? I mean, this patient was not normal, and I knew that it's the reason he's here because I'm supposed to help people that have problems with others or themselves, but this case was way above my average cases and-

God, why did I  _accept_  it? Not because the head chief of the police department had threatened me, certainly not with all the milk cream hanging on his moustache. That did  _not_  scare me.

No, I think I accepted because otherwise I would have lost my job and pay all the tickets the chief had so kindly ignored as I had helped him so much in the past with his gambling problems.

Gah! I hated my life  _and_  my career right now. I wanted to run out the door, become a social retard and hide in my house under my bed for _ever_.

Seriously, if they thought I'd survive six whole months with  _that guy_ , I'd die before I even reached the first week of his treatment.

A sudden burning scent reached my nostrils and I looked terrified at the burning curtains. Oh. Fucking. Shit. Quickly scanning the room for an extinguisher, and finding one, I grabbed it and started to put the flames out.

 _Greeeaaat_. Sora's going to kill me if he saw the curtains. He gave them to me for my birthday, a few weeks ago. I bet I'll have to apologize for hours again because his gift was ruined, even though it was not  _my_ fault.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right; forget what I said about dying the first week—it'll be after the second day.

I grumbled something and dropped the extinguisher on the ground before I sat back on my comfortable chair, picking up my notebook and my pencil, and cleared my throat:

"So, if I heard correctly from Chief Luxord, you have an unhealthy obsession with fire. Explain, please."

The patient laying in the long black couch turned his attention to me, his emerald eyes looking at me. A huge grin appeared on his face and something—like a bad hunch, I suppose—told me that the idea of running away wasn't so bad after all.

He stood up and stepped casually towards me, his flaming red hair bouncing with his movements, the grin never disappearing. He stopped just in front of me, and I looked up (he's taller than me, and I was sitting while he was standing) to see those eyes pierce through me. Even the teardrop tattoos under those emerald orbs caught my attention. (Who in their right mind got teardrop tattoos under their eyes?)

Without a warning, he lowered himself and placed his hands on each side of my seat, boxing me in but I didn't notice that as I was too busy looking in those shining, pretty eyes and I even thought they were becoming bigger.

And that's when I realized that no, his eyes weren't bigger, but that his face was  _too_  close to my liking.

His mouth hovered just above mine, and I seriously wanted to know why I couldn't move. This was getting quite intimating and I didn't really like too much human contact. Certainly not from a patient who was regarding me like I was some kind of vanilla muffin.

"Uhm…" was the only thing I could really utter without thinking—that task became rather impossible. And the redhead was still grinning like he knew something that I didn't, making the curious part of me itch just to  _know_  what he was thinking.

And you know the saying: 'Curiosity killed the kitten.'

In this case it wasn't a fluffy and lovely kitten that turns into a massive ball of fur with pointy claws and fangs when you turn your back to it that died, but rather my innocence. Or as much innocence I had left.

His lips had just killed a part of it by kissing me and oh-my-God-I-couldn't-breathe!

He pulled away, and chuckled—probably because of the 'What the fuck' reaction that was written all over my face—before lowering back and huskily whispering something in my ear.

"I could keep my pyro-urges under control before I came here, but ever since I laid eyes on you I'm afraid my fire obsession will escalate to the point of no return."

"…Ah?"

"Baby, you're the fuel I've been looking for!" he sing-sang.

Remember when I said that I'd die after the second day?

Scratch that too: I was dead all right.


	2. Sweet things, like revenge

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**T** _h_ _e_ **S** _hr_ _i_ _nk_  and **T** _h_ _e_   **P** _yr_ _o_  


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" _I'm going to bend it slow and painfully, and then I'll bend it more until it breaks. Whoops, then Mr. Wee-Wee won't be able to work for a long time!_  


– Roxas Strife

* * *

**Chapter 1:** **Sweet things like revenge**

One… two… three… four…

Breathe in… and breathe out.

There, all calmed down and feeling much better.

"Oi,  _Roxyyy_. Did you know that you smell de-li- _cious_? I wonder if you taste as good as you—"

My fist acted way faster than my thoughts, and the next second I heard a satisfying crack when it met Axel's jaw. I smirked, but it quickly disappeared when I saw him grin.

Oh.  _Oh_. The crack wasn't coming from the (unfortunately not broken) jaw, but actually from his neck when the impact of my punch had whipped his head to one side.

Damn. And here I thought I succeeded in making him cry, or at least make him stop his constant harassments on me.

"Whoa, Blondie! Didn't know you had it in you!" he said while deftly massaging his cheek and grinning all the wider. Sometimes I wondered if his mouth wouldn't tear in two because of that.

"It was my last warning, Mr. Firaga. Remember the golden rule," I growled and sat back in my seat, motioning with my hand to the redhead to lounge along the couch.

Yes, the golden rule. I never believed in rules, because frankly no one listened to them and they are meant to be broken. It's a fact. Even my grandmother disobeyed them and gave the law the finger. She actually used the written warnings she received from the government to wipe her ass off.

She's dead now but I'm sure Granny's cackling in heaven like the batshit crazy woman she was.

Alas, it all changed ever since the arrival of Axel Firaga, a guy who not only had serious issues and was married to fire, but who also started to show signs of ALS—Annoying Leech Syndrome.

I still had to figure out if that was better or worse. Probably worse, considering I'm the one who activated it when we first met. Or so he says. He's insane, and I didn't believe insane people who liked setting my curtains on fire—or anything else for that matter.

Anyways. Like I said, I didn't have faith in rules, but thanks to Axel I've invented a whole policy. And just scrapped it all since they didn't help. Except for  _the golden rule_.

It was fairly easy to understand it, remember it and use it if you wanted to survive. If the people  _around_  me wanted to survive.

You don't mess with the Roxas.

Zexion (my smart-but-cranky secretary) had mentioned once that when I'm really pissed off I kind of turned into something inhuman. Nothing exaggerated, I was still human of course, but he just meant that I blanked out and went on a rampage.

Lies. Well, okay: I  _did_  break one of my ex-patient's dick, but that was an accident. I didn't even know that our genitals could break.

The point was that the redhead was the only person who tended to forget that rule. I've tried several manners to make him memorize it and wouldn't forget. But nothing, really  _nothing_ worked.

Not even imitating Axel when he says his stupid catchphrase 'Got it memorized'. It only made him laugh his ass off for a good ten minutes.

He only started to take me serious when I had brought my katana with me, with the excuse that I needed a bit of decoration in the room and that repainting the walls would also not be such a bad idea, preferably a red colour, crimson or really dark red.

He managed to restrain himself, but only for two days. My innocence has gotten corrupted a lot of times.

I kicked him in the balls now if he tried something funny. It became my newest golden rule. We professionals aren't supposed to harm our patients, but they aren't supposed to harass their shrink, goddamn it.

I sighed and scribbled something down on my paper, quickly scanning how far we've gotten until now. Not much, half my page was still blank, and I've only written four full pages in one month. It would seem pretty much, but it wasn't when you see your patient every day.

He's nuts, I tell you. He should be in a lunatic asylum, not here. I wasn't not even supposed to say that as it's my responsibility to do the contrary and keep them  _out_  of a madhouse.

And I swear I was going to bite his finger off if he continued poking me in the leg.

"What?" I snarled. He simply looked meekly at me, playing dumb as if he hadn't done anything. I knew better. He was planning something to touch or kiss me. Even a simple sniff would suffice for him.

Had I already mentioned that he had managed to steal a good couple of thirty or so kisses? In three days? Seriously, this guy had a death wish. I've written him down on my list of people I need to pay a visit and accidentally cut their human productive sacks off.

"Hey Roxy, you have something on your face," he said out of the blue.

"Mr. Firaga—"

"Axel. Please, call me Axel," he interrupted. I glared a hole in his head. Well look at that, why was Kermit the Frog habiting his skull?

" _Mr. Firaga_ ," I said on purpose, added with a small smile.

"First: never call me Roxy again or I'll have to call your brother and tell him a lie – and you know that it's against our policy to lie – so that he'll be forced to shave off all of your hair and torture you for the rest of your life, and second: I'm not stupid. There's nothing on my face so cut the crap and let's continue with your treatment." If you could call avoiding being raped by a nutcase a treatment.

My threat didn't faze him (probably because he and I doubted that his big brother Reno would harm his favourite lil' bro) and he started to point very seriously to a spot on his face, near his chin.

"I'm not kidding, there's really something—I swear." His big emerald eyes weren't playful, and he did sound convincing.

I made the mistake to hesitate.

He took his chance and jumped over the couch.

We both fell down on the carpet (ouch, that was going one hell of a rug burn) and he kept me down by straddling my waist and staying there.

He kissed me, I kicked him in the crotch, and we both screamed bloody murder and I could hear Zexion laughing his ass off in the other room.

That's it! I was firing  _his_  scrawny ass, and send Axel-frickin'-leech-Firaga back home without further ado. See who'll laugh in the end, ha!

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I

" _If this continues, he'll hump you within the next week. But please warn me before I walk in on you guys. I'm still too young to die."_  


– Zexion Harvey

* * *

I didn't fire Zexion. He had too much blackmail material about me. I don't think I even wanted to know how he got them, but I sure am not going to tart him and question his ability in doing such horrible things, like broadcast it to the whole world. He's fucking capable of it and he knew that I knew.

I called him juvenile; he said I needed to get laid.

And although I always listened to his good advice, I ignored that one. I didn't have urges, my hormones were perfectly stable and I haven't been sexually frustrated for two months. Sure, sometimes the thought of having sex crossed my mind, but it wasn't like I thought about screwing twenty-four seven.

So I was having my sweet revenge on Zexion for a different matter. I was disappointed I couldn't throw grenades at Axel, but let's not hope for impossible things. The pyromaniac would probably get back to me with something worse, so I didn't even bother.

I  _only_  had to see him for  _five_  more  _months_  anyway. It's not like I was  _going_  to die.

If only those words could sound convincing, then maybe I'd believe myself.

Anyway, back to my sweet revenge. It's a big success, and frankly I wasn't even sure if the outcome would have been in my favour or not.

Seemed like the Gods were on my side today. Bless Gaia and her colleagues.

You see… I thought hiring a second assistant didn't sound all too bad. I'd even go as far as getting a second secretary, actually, instead of assistant. So I had taped a "NEEDED: SMILEABLE SECRETARY FOR FULLTIME WORK" paper on the door of the entrance hall.

I had to send back twenty volunteers before  _he_  came in. Godsend, with the bright, white light shining behind him forming an almost-halo above his head. I swear he got scared when he saw my face-splitting smile.

He was the perfect victim. Around my age (twenty-three), a bit aloof and hyperactive and when I asked him about the strange instrument strapped on his back he had answered me that it was his Sitar and that he didn't go anywhere without it. He was even so kind to give me a demonstration. I was actually pretty shocked he didn't choose the path of a rockstar-in-making, 'cause goddamn—his finger play was impressive.

But he had to pass a few, real psychological tests before I could hire him. This weren't the finals of American Idol, if they also accepted guitar performances. I wouldn't know because I didn't watch the show, so sue me.

So big surprise when I got the questionnaire back and he was done answering my Twenty Questions game. He fucking failed them all. And that was just  _perfec_ t, so I hired him and now I was patiently waiting for him at Zexion's desk, whistling the theme song of Jaws.

Zexion thought I was being equivocal, using his big words again. He's like my personal, walking thesaurus. But his geniusness didn't hold me back to tell him off and say that he became a bit paranoid. I was too friendly to be even remotely suspicious.

I heard a jingle when the front door opened and closed with a bang, making me cringe and hope he hadn't broken it. I just renewed the double glass when I got mad at Axel when he had once again groped me and I had thrown him out of the door.

Well, through the door, actually.

Poor, poor door.

I stopped whistling when I saw the familiar blond hair and face, and grinned. Zexion wasn't even looking to the person, being too engrossed in his papers and accountancies. For a moment there I was having second thoughts about my idea. The lavender-haired man did his job greatly, I couldn't have wished for a better secretary.

But… he had always been laughing in my face after Axel's obligated visits.

Nah, never mind. He deserved it, and besides I'd need the help of this guy if I didn't want to be completely insane.

"Uhm, hello. I hope I'm not too late?" his smooth voice really was like music in the ears, and  _this_  made Zexion look up. His grey eyes widened slightly, unnoticeable if you hadn't known him for years, and he stopped with whatever he was writing.

Perfect. Insert crazy cackle here, please. I was having an epiphany.

I pretended of nothing, smile set in place and simply held my hand out so that the newbie could shake it.

"Welcome to Destiny's Shrink Department. And don't worry, you're just  _right_  on time," I said, straining the word 'right' and turned around so that the guy and Zexion could see each other, me standing on the side.

"Demyx, this is Zexion Harvey." I introduced the blond to the still staring secretary, and did the same with Zexion.

"Zexion, this is Demyx Azura," and here is where my smile turned devilish, and now Zexion's eyes widened very clearly because he knew exactly what I was about to say.

"He's your new co-worker. A trainee assistant/secretary. Please be nice with him and teach Demyx  _everything_  you know."

He paled, I guffawed and Demyx just innocently smiled, oblivious to the fact that he'd been thrown into something where you couldn't just walk out without being mentally scarred for the rest of your life.

That was the last time Zexion dared to snort at me. He was too busy trying to survive his days with the refreshing youth, also known as Demyx, by his side. I think he also had the ALS, but that was Zexion's problem.

You just didn't mess with the Roxas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really, REALLY love Demyx :D he's such an awesome character <3


End file.
